Navigating Identity in A New Country: A Tale of Three Sisters

My sisters from left to right: Erika, Joan, and Elyssa.

When my sisters and I moved here to the U.S. in 2006, I didn’t recall much of what it was like moving here, other than knowing that our lives were going to drastically change from what we were used to in the Philippines. I’ve never given much thought to what my sisters were feeling like when we moved here, especially since we experienced this transitional moment in our lives at different ages. This memoir explores the perspectives of my three sisters, Elyssa, Joan, and Erika and how their identities have shifted over time as they grew up here.

Elyssa Jane Rule is the oldest of my sisters. She currently resides in San Jose with her husband and their newborn son. Prior to becoming a mother, she worked as a nurse while going to school to become a RN (Registered Nurse).

Erika Gem Criste is the second oldest of my sisters. She lived with her birth mother in the Philippines until she migrated to the United States until 2019. She currently lives at home with my family while working as a graphic designer for a real estate company.

Joan Kristiane Espino is the youngest of three and currently resides in Woodland Hills with her boyfriend. She is currently going to nursing school to get her degree and become a RN.

Imagine immigrating to a new country at the age of 10. Seems simple, right? How about at 16? Would it still be as simple? Now, what about 25? It’s already difficult moving to a new country in the first place, but there’s also a different kind of struggle when you come here at a certain age. These are the ages that my sisters immigrated to the U.S. with and these are their experiences.

Growing Up While Our Parents were in the US

Elyssa, Joan, and I when we were growing up in the Philippines (2002)

Our parents left for the United States in search of a better life for us. Meanwhile, my sisters and I stayed in the Philippines along with our cousins and our helpers that served as our caretakers while our parents were figuring out a way to bring us over to America.

According to a literature review on Migration and Filipino Children Left Behind by Melanie M. Reyes, she mentioned that, “there really is no exact data on the number of children affected by migration but based on several studies done by nongovernmental organizations and local government organizations in Manila, there are approximately 9 million Filipino children under the age of 18 who are left behind by one or both parents to work tentatively or live permanently abroad.”

While I was too young to understand what was going on at the time, Elyssa had a completely different experience during her formative years as an adolescent.

Elyssa recalling her experience of what it was like growing up without the presence of our parents, as well as how our parents migrated to the U.S.

“ I had to grow up right away.”

In a study conducted by the 2003 Children and Families Study of Scalabrini on the impact of migration on Filipino children left behind, they found that although “migrant children reported experiencing difficulties and longing for their absent parents, they also acknowledge that they learned to be more independent in the process.”

From Manila to LA

The city my sisters and I grew up in before we migrated to the U.S.

In 2006, California had the largest number of Filipino immigrants (750,056) out of any state. My two sisters and I added to that growing number when we arrived on April 15, 2006. I don’t recall much from that initial night when we first moved to U.S., but my sister Elyssa helped me refresh my memory.

“The first thing that pops into my mind was when our Mom and Dad took us to In and Out. Yeah, that was something new for us and seeing a lot of different people that are not just Filipinos. There were a lot of new experiences being thrown at us. It was also really cold and raining at the time, which was different from the warm weather we were used to back at home.”

Barriers to Assimilation

Like all migrants moving to a new country for the first time, we’ve all experienced struggles when it came to assimilating to our new surroundings.

Elyssa found herself adjusting to a life without our helpers as she learned how to do housework and become more independent. She also realized the importance of speaking up for herself as she started to be more direct and straightforward with others. In the Philippines, the cultural norm expected her to blend in rather than be assertive.

My sister Elyssa describes the struggles she faced when coming to the US

When doing these interviews, one common theme I found with my sisters is their collective struggle when it came to making friends. Leaving old friends behind and forming new connections is especially harder once you’re an adult. My sister Joan and I were lucky enough to have gone through the U.S. public school system. With that, she was able to build her social skills and establish friendships relatively easily.

As for Elyssa and Erika, they’ve had to resort to other means of finding friends. Social media outlets such as Facebook have helped them find people that relate to them to some capacity. Elyssa shared with me her experience of joining a “Singles for Christ” page in which she found a core group of friends that were the same age as her. Meanwhile, Erika is still facing this struggle today as she contemplates how hard it is to find people she can connect with.

“I’m 28 years old and when you’re at this age, I feel like it’s no longer a priority to find people to really hang out with because you’re more focused on building a career and setting a good future for yourself.”

Reflecting on Identity

Living in the U.S. for 16 years has definitely shaped their identities in one way or another as they’ve grown to have a sense of belonging here. Filipino culture tends to hold the idea of family as one of the core values we should uphold. But, for my sisters and I, that wasn’t the case as we learned how to be independent on our own terms.

Both Elyssa and Joan shared with me how growing up here has helped them become more vocal and outspoken in comparison to living in the Philippines. This was most evident in Joan as she mentioned that she didn’t feel like she fit in at our school before we moved to the U.S..

“I feel more at home with the newfound friends I’ve made here. Looking back, now I feel like I truly identify as a Filipino-American. I visited home after 12 years in 2018, and to be honest I feel like I experienced more of a culture shock then than coming over here. I think it was because I had previous memories and preconceived notions from when I used to live here and seeing how much things have changed really shocked me.”

As for Erika, she feels that since she hasn’t been here for long as well as the fact that she grew up for most of her life in the Philippines, her identity still remains the same.

While my sisters all had distinct experiences of growing up here, they’ve all managed to assimilate into American society — all despite coming here at different ages.